What Are The Characteristics Of A Highly Likeable Person?

Ask Questions

Asking questions is the unknown superpower in getting someone to like you. It does three main things: It allows you to display your interest in that person, gives you a chance to find common grounds, and simultaneously gives them the opportunity to talk about themselves. Here's the secret: People absolutely love to talk about themselves.

Research suggests that talking about oneself literally activates the same part of your brain as sex, good food, and drugs. It's like a shot of dopamine straight to the dome. Are you surprised? Allowing others to talk about themselves gives us the chance to listen and learn about them. We can form connections and social bonds based on common grounds and shared interests. Which in turn leads to interpersonal connections. The classic question of "Where are you from?" can unlock an entire conversation. "What it's like there?" - "What do you like to do there?" - "I've actually never done that before... maybe we go sometime?" - "How long is the flight?" - "What do you normally do during long flights?" - "Oh you saw that movie? What did you think?" - "Have you heard of rawdogging a flight?"

That person already likes you because you've shown a genuine interest in them and their interests. Questions guide us through conversations. Learning to master the art of conversation-flow through asking questions will make you ten times more likeable.

Eye Contact

Eye contact is the unsung hero of winning people over. It shows that we are present at the moment and actively listening. It helps build trust and respect. Eye contact can be overlooked and hard to implement if you don't make it into a habit/routine. Next time you are in a conversation, try to actively give more of it, and then smile.

Smile More

Smiling is contagious. There's just something about it that makes us feel good. It can elevate your mood by releasing endorphins and lowering stress. If it then causes that person to smile as well, then that means their mood will be elevated as well. The majority of human communication is non-verbal so our actions often speak louder than our words. Smiling can make any conversation feel much more positive and inviting.

Give Sincere Compliments When The Opportunity Arises

When the opportunity arises, hit em with the compliment. It can't be forced, you have to find that window of opportunity. Insincere compliments will have the opposite effect. You just come off as some type of phony. You have to practice being patient and active listening. Maybe that person accomplished something that took them a while, and you can let them know "Wow, this is so inspiring me!". Or they have a unique way of laughing and you let them know "I really love the way you laugh". It doesn't have to be anything over the top, just simple compliments. Making others feel good about themselves can make you feel good about yourself. It gives warmth to the conversation at hand.

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Empathize During Conversation

Being able to feel others emotions when they are talking to you can not be overstated. It's the foundation of interpersonal connections. It's what makes us human. Whether it's sharing in someone's hard times or their joy and jubulation, being able to take on those feelings yourself and show them you care is everything. We establish meaningful connections through empathy. Learning to be more emotionally self-aware and in touch with your own emotions will allow you to get closer to others.

Sharing Secrets

Secrets make others feel special. When you share a secret you are letting someone into your personal life. You are creating this blanket of exclusivity. Nobody gets to know my secret, but I'm going to tell you. It makes people feel special that you choose to confide in them and share something you normally keep to yourself. By giving up a secret we are building a sense of trust, creating intimacy, and encouraging the other person to open up more.

Offer To Help Out | Be Selfless

If the opportunity presents itself for you to help out, take it. Being less selfish, and more selfless helps show people you actually care. More often than not it's hard to ask for help. Everyone has their own shit they are dealing with and the last thing someone wants to do is add to that. It's like helping a friend move. You can only ask the best of friends or family to help you move because it's such a massive undertaking. Maybe it's a small errand or something insignificant, no matter the size people always remember kind acts. Our time is one of our most precious resources. Giving it away is one of the ultimate selfless acts.

Don't Show Up Empty-handed

You get invited to a party, to someone's house, or even a date: Don't show up empty-handed. By coming with something, you are showing that you care and that you are invested in the good times ahead. Gifts are a great way to showcase that we care. It can be a bottle of wine, a dessert, anything that can be enjoyed together. Also, if we're being honest, nobody really likes a mooch. The person who constantly shows up and only takes, never gives.

Put Your Phone Down

Avoiding your phone at all costs is imperative. For crying out loud just be in the moment damnit! You want to show the other person you are present in the moment with them, not checking your socials to see how many likes you got on your latest selfie, or seeing if your online store has had any more sales in the last 15 minutes. Seems impossible from time to time but we didn't even have cell phones up until the 1990s. Nothing can be more rude and annoying than trying to hold a conversation with someone who is constantly checking their phone. Get into the habit of stowing it away when you are with someone you want to win over.

Be Yourself | Be Vulnerable

Be unapologetically you. Be vulnerable. Don't be afraid to show the real you because that is how we form the strongest connections. There can't be any depth in a relationship if it's based off of disingenuous exchanges. Not to say you should unleash the total weirdo right away, but slowly give yourself fully. In order to have any meaningful connections we need to be open and a little scared.

The List

Before modern times, being accepted by a community or tribe meant survival and protection. We've relied on our relationships to help get us through life, so the need to be accepted has been everything. The playing field has definitely changed since then, but the core principles are very much the same. It's not hard to get people to like you. Rule number being one: Don't suck. Okay, only joking...or not. Take my list and put it into practice, send me an email and let me know how it works out.