Emotional Self-Awareness: The Beating Heart Of Emotional Intelligence

What Does It Mean To Be Emotionally Self Aware?

To be emotionally self-aware means you have a clear understanding of your own emotions. You can understand how they affect your thoughts and behavior. You understand how your emotions might affect others. You are in tune with your words and actions. I'll start with a quick example.

An Example Of Self Awareness

The other day my wife and I got into a "mini fight". I was late for work and frustrated about it. She had done nothing wrong, she was offering to help me. She could see the frustration in my face and said "Hey, just go, I'll take care of that for you." For no real reason, I found myself snapping back at her. I made some snide comments and immediately thought, "Well shit, where did that come from?". I could see she was trying to help me and I was instinctively pushing her away. Why? I had no answers. I started to raise my voice but quickly realized it and stopped. I decided to give myself a cool down and told her I needed a minute. After about three minutes she was now getting upset. She was persistent with trying to help me, but I was still being a piece of work, so she left to go back upstairs. She was over it. I took a deep breath and after a minute, followed her up. I walked over to her and gave her a big hug. I said "I'm sorry, I know I'm being a piece of work. I'm not sure what's gotten into me." Why the hell was I so irritated? Was I hungry? Anxious because I let the clock get away from me and now I was late? Well, late is late so at that point I stopped caring. I didn't want to leave on a sour note. To leave on a bad note has the potential to ruin your whole day. So I apologized. I admitted she did nothing wrong and I was being irritable for no real reason. I apologized.

Our Emotions Have More Power Over Us Than We Realize

An older version of myself would have let that "mini fight" blow up into World War III. I would've dug my heels in and let my emotions get the best of me. Not only would I ruin my day, but hers as well. This time though, I was aware of my emotions as the whole scene was playing out. This time I was able to stop the spiralling before it started. This has been the adhesive that has kept us together for so long.

A lot of us aren't aware of ourselves in real-time. Sure hindsight is 20/20, but wouldn't it be nice to catch ourselves in the act? Instead of causing a whirlwind of confusion and mixed emotions, we can control our feelings and be conscientious of them. Execute some empathy and self-awareness to strengthen our relationships instead of tearing them down. I learned from my four years of day trading the stock market that emotions have more power over us than we realize. In a flash, an emotional wave can come crashing down upon you and blind you from your words and actions. When we get hyper-emotional, we lose control of how we act. We wind up saying hurtful things that we might not mean. It's hard to repair those cuts especially when both people are already in a vulnerable state. Those cuts go deeper than normal. By learning to stay in control we can avoid the disasters that might otherwise happen.

Signs Of Emotional Awareness

Learning To Confront Our Emotions

It's hard to be upfront with our emotions. We are the most vulnerable when we confront them. Most of the time it's highlighting our not-so-sexy characteristics. Confronting our feelings is the first step to getting us on the path to happiness and success. Our relationships will only grow stronger. And by learning to come to terms with our fears and anxieties, we can push past them and not let them control us. Learning to practice mindfulness is the best starting point. The next time a situation arises where your not-so-sexy emotions start coming out, take a pause and try to recognize it. Take action in real time.


When we start to harness emotional self-awareness we can grow our relationships. People will start to trust us more because we are not only in tune with ourself but also with those around us. We can use the awareness to benefit those that we care about. We can close that long, drawn-out, sales deal because we can see that our client is afraid, so we give them the reassurance they desire. We can accept criticism with open arms. We can continually grow our EQ to become the best version of ourselves.