Why Is Love Bombing A Total Red Flag In a Relationship?

What Is Love Bombing?

If someone is giving you unlimited compliments, ungodly amounts of attention, or non-stop romantic gestures -- chances are you're getting love bombed. It could be showering you with needless gifts, or wanting to spend time together alone instead of in group settings. It's not always easy to spot because let's be honest, we all love getting attention and gifts. And when you're falling in love, it's not hard to put the blinders on and see what is actually happening.

Is It Intentional Or Unintentional?

Actual love bombing is intentional and manipulative in its nature. They want you to feel obliged, like you owe them something to put you under their control. But like everything in life, there is always another side. You could be involved with someone who is plagued with insecurities. They force dependency and a relationship with said gifts, attention, and gestures to feel validated. They don't even know they are doing it. But even if that's the case, being in a relationship with someone like that is still not healthy. It's a red flag because that person is trying to compensate for something lacking inside them. Knowing and loving yourself is a key ingredient to a successful relationship.

The Importance Of Finding Balance

All things in moderation: Don't drink too much, don't smoke too much, don't eat too much, don't be too greedy, don't be too lustful.

Love bombers love to isolate the relationship in order to cut off outside influence. You start to lose sight of yourself and this reinforces the dependency. You lose sight of your friends and family that could act as a support system. And then when things go wrong, you have nowhere to turn. Ultimately you end up going back to the partner, too embarrassed to admit what is going on.

Relationships that become all about only each other can wind up becoming toxic really quickly. It's still important to keep friends around. Despite meeting someone new, you must keep your hobbies and passions alive. Falling madly in love with someone and abandoning all of your other relationships is like the kiss of death. We need to have a life outside of the relationship to allow it to breathe and grow. Otherwise, you end up feeling suffocated and everything shrivels up.

Slow Burners Always Win

My now-wife friend zoned me for the first year of knowing one another. And I truly believe this is the reason we are still together today (ten years later). We became friends. Slowly thereafter we learned more about one another and as a result, grew together. When things move too quickly it oftentimes kills the excitement because you have nothing left to look forward to. All of those cherished first moments that could be spread out over time wind up happening in the first month. The first hand hold, kiss, meeting the family and friends, first trip together, "love you", sex. The relationship goes stale then because everything already happened.

If someone is moving too quickly and displaying any of the characteristics of love bombing, you should consider getting out while it's still early on. Find someone who is willing to move at a more steady pace and enjoy the moments as they come.