What Is Emotional Self-Regulation | Learning To Control Your Emotions

Someone says something: I get triggered. The next thing I know, I'm consumed by anger and screaming across the room. How did that even happen? How did I even allow myself to get there? It's embarrassing, to be honest. We were with friends, I got upset about something trivial and stupid, and I just couldn't let it go. The anger was like a snowball rolling down a hill, growing exponentially as time went on. Every sentence escalting the argument even further. I should have cut it off long before, but now I look stupid, so I have to dig my heels in and defend myself to the death. Sound familiar?

What Is Emotional Self-Regulation a.k.a. Emotional Control?

Being able to identify your emotions and regulate them is what we refer to as emotional control. A big part of it comes from knowing yourself and what your triggers are. When you know how you react to certain situations you have a better chance of catching yourself before irreparable damage is done. We've all let our emotions get the best of us at some point, and most likely said something that we deeply regret. The real question is is this a broken record on repeat and never getting better, or is it only temporary and hopefully will get better in the future?

When we have emotional control, it's because we've taken the time to learn more about ourselves and look within. Reflect on situations and take the time to point out where you could have stopped to prevent the damage. You can't dwell on it, you have to accept it, feel vulnerable, and learn from it. Ultimately it should lead to feeling more confident and having more self-esteem.

Examples Of Not Regulating Your Emotions

Recognizing In Real Time | Ways To Gain Control

One of the best ways to get better at controlling your emotions is to recognize them in real time and STOP. Take a deep breath. Count to five slowly. The best way to implement change is to form new habits and reroute our reactions. You start to get upset with your partner and slide into the old habit of raising your voice or getting over-emotional. STOP.

Create a mood journal where you can track the way you feel throughout the day. Why did you feel that way? Were you too excited and it became annoying or bothersome to everyone else? Were you being a debbie downer and super pessimistic about the plans you had? Did you get upset over something trivial that could have easily been resolved had you not been so stubborn? Write it down. By reflecting on what happened and recognizing the way you felt you will have a better chance in the future of being able to control your feelings.

Practicing mindfulness is a great way to gain control over your emotions. Whether it's while doing the dishes, going for a walk, sitting by the fire, mowing the lawn, or simply resting your eyes: Focus on your breathing. Take the time while doing a chore or task to be in the moment. When you pay attention to your breathing you are becoming more aware or your surroundings which in turn can lead to being more aware of your emotions and others.

There are so many benefits to having emotional control. Your relationships strengthen, your decision-making improves, stress levels lower, EQ increases, and you become ultimately more self-aware. It's never easy confronting our feelings because most of the time it spotlights our weaknesses and character flaws. But if you can learn to accept that nobody is perfect, and we all need some help, you can grow into the best version of yourself.