Low Expectations Low Disappointment | The Key To Being Happy

Keeping Expectations In Check

It's not as easy as it sounds. Then again, nothing ever is. It takes time and practice to learn how to keep your expectations checked at the door. It's like watching your hair grow. You have to have some type of zen patience and a lot of time. Slowly though, you can learn to accept when things don't go your way. You think: From point A to point B it will be a straight line, but in reality its more like a criss-crossed zig-zaggy type of line that circles around ten times. I thought I would write my first song and immedaitely go straight to the top. My entire journey pursuing art has been nothing but ups and downs though. It took five years before I actually released a song, and then another two years before I landed my first sync on HBO. The old me would spend 50 cents on a lotto ticket and expect it to be a winner. Why? Because I love to believe everything is always going to go my way exactly how I want it to. But that's just me being naive. *Sigh*

Getting our hopes up is inherent to being human, because we all love to suffer. Okay we don't love to suffer, but it's still built into our DNA. Low expecations means low disappointment. You've already played out all the outcomes in your head. Worst case scenario is already there, you know what it is. You'll find yourself happier with life's crap curveballs, because you weren't caught off guard. And I don't mean become a full-blown nihilist and give up on life. All I'm saying is expect less. Because life just tends to shit all over you. And there's not a damn thing you can do about it. Keep your dreams alive but know that the road to success is never a straight shot.

Life Isn't Always Peaches And Rainbows

By default, we're habitual creatures. We all have habits: Smoking, nibbling your nails, talking to yourself in public, etc. Habits are easy. It's easy to always keep your hopes up and expect everything to go your way. You got the call finally for that audition or maybe you recently had a job interview, and you're waiting to hear back. Whether you get the part or land the job, it shouldn't affect your feelings significantly. There should be a smaller spectrum of emotions, more contained. Again, we expect a straight line from point A to point B but in reality its going to be more chaos. It's never just the one interview or one audition. If it is then you can consider yourself lucky. Otherwise, it might be twenty before you finally land one. And that one might be an anomoly which will require continued efforts thereafter. So instead of expecting the first and only one to go in your favor, just do your best and think "If this doesn't work out, I'll just keep going. It's fine.".

If you know that regardless of the outcome, you'll continue to strive to do better and continue to push, then the outcome shouldn't matter. Despite how things turn out, you already know this is not the end-all-be-all. Great if things do go in your favor, but being prepared is the key to maintaining a healthy mind.

Setting very high expectations is like disappointment marrying your best friend. All of the sudden, they're around all the time. And noone wants to be disappointed all the time.

Not to say you shouldn't be optimistic, but protecting yourself is important. Keeping your expectations in check is important. Constant high expectations can be toxic to our mental health. We feel let down and sad because they weren't met. If this starts to become repetitive over time, it can have a significant impact on our overall well being.

According to Merriam-Webster "expect" by definition is "to consider probable or certain". In relationships whether it's coworkers or friends or even family members, we set our expectations according to the love and attention we give. We think because we did this or would have done that, everyone else would do the same. But everyone is in fact different. And if no two people are identical, how can it be possible that they would do the exact same thing in the same situation?

Real Life Scenarios

Thoughtfulness isn't always reciprocated, regardless of how badly we want it to be. Maybe you bought your sister an amazing birthday present and when the time came for her to get you one, she forgot. Maybe by default you over-achieve at your job, and then expect everyone else to perform in the same fashion. How you managed your expecations through both of these scenarios will have defined how you feel at the end. If not properly managed, they will end with feelings of despondency. Nobody works as hard at you at your job and your sister didn't plan an exotic cruise for your birthday like you did for her. Sad, but also that's life.

Things rarely just go our way.

Measuring Happiness

What are we expecting from these situations? Are we happy with the outcomes? Happiness can be measured by three factors: the presence of positive emotions, the absence of negative emotions, and life satisfaction (Ryan & Deci, 2001). If are expectations are set too high, it will be nearly impossible to ever feel satisfied.

We should expect problems. Expect failures. Expect expectations. Manage Them. How can we put the proper practices into place? Communication is the answer.

Communication To Manage Expectations

Most times when expectations aren't met it's because they weren't properly communicated prior. Our understanding of what will actually happen and what "should" happen in our head are not aligned.

Our partners can't read our minds—It's true. And honestly, even if they could, I'm not sure anyone wants that anyway. We all have our own thoughts and opinions. We don't always express them properly. I might think I'm conveying my feelings about something and it's in fact getting absolutely nothing across. My wife doesn't know what I'm thinking every waking minute of the day. She doesn't know what I want to do on my birthday. My birthday means a lot to me (actually it doesn't but let's be hypothetical). It just so happens my favorite bands in town, and I want to go see them. She already bought tickets for something else though. Now she's upset that her idea got squashed because she put a lot of thought into it. And you're upset that she's upset because you didn't tell her what you thought the plans would be. Hard to believe she didn't know that right? We need to tell others how we are feeling. We need to tell them what we're expecting or what we want. This is allowing us to now manage those expecations and not allow frustration.

Constantly I'm reminded by my wife, that she can't read my mind.

High Expectations Stifle Growth

High Expectations can stifle creativity and growth. If you get discouraged to quickly, because you thought the outcome was going to be better than it actually was, you may just give up too soon. This can limit your willingness to experiment and try something new. You might be more reluctant to take the risk and try something new for fear of failure or not meeting expectations. This can stunt your potential for growth in the future. I found a quote a while back that has always stuck with me,

"Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky." - Rainer Maria Rilke

Low expectations will breathe space into our everyday lives.

You don't have to necessarily lower them but rather make sure they are aligned with reality. What is realistic in this situation? Identify the bare-minimum. Start from there.
Give yourself the chance to feel like you can succeed. Don't set the bar too high, give space for growth. By lowering one's expectations we are allowing ourselves to attain that nirvana state. Total Zen. These days I'm always impressed. Why? Because I expect nothing. Okay, that's only half true.

You expect your coworker to pick up the slack and get their half of the job done. Instead they don't do a damn thing and you are left holding the bag. Had you expected them to do absolutely nothing you would have been pleasantly surprised to know they did a fraction of a fraction of the work they were assigned. Also half kidding.

It's the forever dilemna. Do you set them unreasonably high? Invoke some type of inferiority complex? Or bottom of the barrell low? Bottom of the barrell low and you may find yourself never being disappointed.

Key Takeaways

• - Be mindful of your expectations
• - Lower your expecations and you will be disappointed less
• - Communicate with others to know what to expect
• - A growth mindset will allow freedom to stay creative and continue trying new things
• - Noone can read your mind, you need to tell others how you feel and what you want

We can avoid frustration, disappointment, and resentment by managing our expectations. This ultimately will increase our chances at finding happiness. The world we live in has set our expectations for us a lot of times with television and movies. Be sure to stay realistic and keep them in check, and you will find your nirvana.